Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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