She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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