we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
