butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
