so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
