I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
