So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
