I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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