gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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