She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
