I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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