Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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