My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
