I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
