Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
