Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
