I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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