conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
