I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
