I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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