Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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