blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
cat food counts as protein by the way
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
