Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
