I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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