My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
