420 ftw
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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