Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
