The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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