Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
