I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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