I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
