You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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