the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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