By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
MIDGETS
????
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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