No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
