and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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