I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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