another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
