even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
