dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
