Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
