He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Do vagina's smell?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
