I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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