im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
try to milk me bitch
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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