What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
