You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
