What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I will be naked everywhere
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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