I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
