There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
