Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
