how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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