we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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