shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just pee around me
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I did not marry a roomba.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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