bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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