Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
