So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
