his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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