they need to just BURY HIM!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
