I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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