I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
