Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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