I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
