peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
