The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
