i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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