That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
