Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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