I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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